It was mine for years, and I still have a hate towards it, but not in the same way I used too.
In 2012 I started my weight loss journey, I was motivated and excited to lose the excess weight that I thought was holding me back from so many things in life. I did an impeccable job of eating healthy, working out at least one time a day, and managing my weight.
Fast forward to summer of 2013. I was almost 40 lbs down and I was on top of the world, I thought.
I was a size 4/6 and I could finally wear all those clothes I had once dreamed about wearing, but couldn't get my mind to put it on my size 12 body. Summer went by in a flash, and I had then moved to New York, where I continued my healthy lifestyle. Or so I thought.
I was what society called skinny, but I didn't see it. Flat stomach, thigh gap (I didn't even know what a thigh gap was back then), toned arms, and a thin face. But my mind kept telling me it wasn't enough. I turned to a liquid diet, super clean eating and working out 2/3X a day to fill my mind with what I thought was good for my body, and myself.
I loved it, but I didn't love myself.
Summer of 2014 rolls around and I'm back in my home state. I started to see family again, started to work, and started to feel like my life was getting back to something normal. I stopped my dieting and working out religiously which caused me to be very anxious, but I had a lot of other things going on.
I also had stopped weighing myself constantly. In the past, I would weigh myself 2X a day and I wouldn't eat until I worked out if I had seen any weight gain (even ounces).
I had stopped everything I was doing, and it was foreign, but I got busy with life. I started college again, made friends, and stayed busy with other things.
This is when I learned about the body positive community and I was intrigued. Individuals who love themselves for exactly what they look like and who they are??? This was such a foreign concept to me. All I had ever known was the pressure that society was shoving down my throat to be thin thin thin.
I started posting body positive photos on my Instagram and I got a wave of people who enjoyed it.
In the 5 years that I had been in a battle with my body, doing extreme diets and workouts, and letting it consume my every thought I finally felt myself recovering from all of the hate and pressure I had placed on myself and my body.
I gained back all the weight I had lost, plus a little more.
I do yoga now, which is an exercise I ENJOY! And I don't diet, nor will I ever again. I eat what I want when I want. I go out when I want, I enjoy food with friends and family, and I live my life now, knowing that my outer appearance doesn't define me.
My body is my shell. What really counts is what's on the inside. And if people can't see past it. Then they aren't meant or deserving enough to be in your life.
I am Sameera, and I define my worth on the positive things I do in life, not on the things that focus on my outer appearance. And I am HAPPY!
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